For starters, thank y'all for your response to yesterdays blog! It's daunting almost to ever write another one again after the response you gave me. ;) Alas, here I am sitting in my trusty writing nook. Many of you may have figured out by now, writing is how I process and heal. Everything that gets written here was scribbled frantically in a journal loosely woven together prior to making it on screen. You also may know, I mostly write in the present, so my blog goes in whatever direction the moon is taking me that day.
Yesterday's blog is a rare exception, because I had been sitting on those words, for sometime, until Friday I finally broke through and was able to finally sit in front of them again, and edit. I almost had a fear, that if I wrote about it anymore, some of the walls we broke through recently, would build again. It's one of my superstitions, that I carry around, much like why I won't answer the questions to how Steve is, with a direct, he's great/good/positive/ etc, I usually dance around it.
Fear is another one of those real feelings I tend to shove somewhere it doesn't belong just for it to bubble over when the heat gets turned up. It's safe to say, I'll be processing the many lessons of 2016 probably the rest of 2017; there's so much to absorb and assimilate. Fear is an odd emotion, because sometimes it's there to show us something; perhaps to alert us to true danger, or to show us we are on the right path (sometimes really huge progress in life is scary). Other times it's there to test us, "Okay you, how dedicated are you really to following this dream of yours?" Then there are the other times where it's just fabricated in your mind, and it's a huge waste of time.
The problem with shoving feelings away before you process them, is that they will never truly "go away" UNTIL you process them. There will always be something that brings them back up to the surface, until you face them. Once you sit with them, and tear apart the many layers they hold, often times you find the most beautiful gifts. How many times can you look back upon a time you faced a really big fear, and how incredible you felt after?
Finally writing that blog yesterday, feels like I released myself. I know I'm often very forthcoming on ways in which I would blow up on Steve; and I have found little fear in sharing that. However, the 'why' terrified me. After hitting save and publish, I instantly felt a sense of ease, and each comment I read lifted me higher and higher. So thank you. I hope now that I have some more followers I can continue to share the real, raw, and authentic; and not suck. ;)
While you're on here today reading the blog, hope on over to the shop. I finally got the energy/time to make some new listings! Just when the well ran dry, this one being the bank well of sorts. Remember for every painting I sell, I will gift one to a caregiver. To nominate email me! So thankful for the opportunity to create and the amazing joy it brings me. Your support makes this life amazing! xox