The flow of life

It's interesting when you can let down your defenses when someone questions you about something, you will see how, what they really want is to understand you.  They want to learn more about you, and how we perceive that determines, if we can use it as a moment to teach others more intimate sides of ourselves or not.  

So recently I was asked, "Why I don't post more on Hopie Hippie?"

That simple question that I took and gave my own interpretation of, "They must think I sit at home and do nothing all day, or if she spent less time on the phone she could get things done."

Did any of the people say that when they asked me?  Of course not, those are judgments I have on myself.  Now of course it's obvious I don't sit around and do nothing all day taking care of an ALS patient is a full time job, but the phone thing; hey I love my social media community, I've grown a lot from them and the support is invaluable.  So it's not too much time, but it is a commitment of time.  

After I was able to let go of the made up drama it clicked, that it would be powerful to share with people about the way I live my days.  I start my days whenever I naturally wake up, which thankfully is usually 7:30.  Alarms wake Steve up and he needs his sleep, and thankfully because I don't HAVE to be up I don't use an alarm.  

I immediately check social media and emails and respond to people right when it's fresh on my mind while I soak up some puppy cuddles in bed.  I then do yoga and meditate before anything else, as it truly sets my day up with good energy, and me being entirely present.

That's the key to our life going well.  It's not about how many malas, weavings, paintings I make and sell.  Although I love creating days and put a lot of love and energy into my pieces as I love making them.  The most important key to me is how mindful and present am I today.  

Being entirely present and mindful in a 12 hour period is hard and it takes work.  It's a constant coming back to the moment, but days where I learn to follow the natural flows of life, are the days where I am able to be the most aware.  I'm a better caregiver, writer, creator, and all around person when I slow down the "I have to get this list of things done by this time" thinking and come back to, whatever I'm doing that day I really want to be there.  If I'm sitting outside and starring off into the sky, I'm going to be present and enjoy it.  Not feel guilty.  

This means some days I spend my whole day with Steve because he really needs me to, or on good days when he's kicking me out to watch his sports, I go with what I'm really feeling and drawn to. Intuitively I will walk over and pick up my journal and just start writing for hours on days when I have to work through life with words.  Some days I'll find myself walking aimlessly through the garden not really able to find the pull to do anything else, and then I'll have a garden day and really soak up that energy from momma earth to refill.  There are days where I'm pulled to weaving and malas and painting, so much, and there are days where I find myself lost and blissful; and those are great days.

However, the forcing life or creativity, just doesn't work for me.  Because I pour so much of myself into everything I do from taking care of Steve, to making our environment inspiring and interesting for us to spend our days in, to taking care of the pups and the garden, to every creation I make; I listen to myself and flow with life.  When I go against it, life shows me.  I'll fight with Steve because he's interrupting me while "I'm working" (I mean really), i'll make a mala and it's so half-assed it breaks (what's the point in that), I write crappy writing, or create something really uninspired and unoriginal.  

My way of living may not meet society's standards as to how one should consider oneself successful or not; and that's okay.  It's what works best for Steve and my life right this moment.  If you ask Steve, he can attest to my kindness and patience levels increasing as I allow myself just to experience life rather than constantly chase some number.  Trust me I'm still creating magic, and making my print on the world; I'm just not loosing myself and the ground I'm standing on in the process.  My life (and Steve) thank me for it.